Sweet, Sweet Potatoes

I had one of the most beautiful, magical experiences with Petra last week. After I had fed the babies in their highchairs I was standing in the kitchen holding Petra. She's really getting good at eating small chunks of cooked veggies, so I decided to try popping a little extra food in her. I gave her small chunks of cooked sweet potato and she gobbled it up. Then, after every bite I put in her mouth while holding her, she pressed her head into my chest and hugged me! I kept feeding her sweet potatoes and she kept hugging me! So precious! May I forever hold that memory in my heart...
I have a new goal. I mapped out a 3 mile jogging route in my neighborhood today and gave it a trial run this afternoon. I did good, considering that I haven't run consistently for 1 and a half years. My goal is to do this 20 minute work out daily- 7 days- just as I endeavor to read the Word each day. I usually don't achieve 100% but if I keep both before me each day I'll see results inside and out.

Attack of the new friend!

Christofer is working fairly normal hours but with the DC area traffic his homecoming is between 7:30 and 8pm. That's over 12 hours of just me and the babies together and they don't talk yet. So when my new neighbor came over for 20 minutes today to borrow a bumbo baby seat, I hope I wasn't too hyper in my communication efforts! I'm just so happy to have someone to talk to and she was willing to answer some of my questions about the area. Actually, I had the good fortune of two adult conversations today. Another neighbor stopped in to drop off the reading list for her book club. She's warning me though, that most of the women are retirement age and maybe I should start my own club with the younger set.
Yesterday Christofer and I celebrated 3 years of marriage! Thank you God. Ever since Chris found out my "love language" isn't "gifts," I don't get any gifts. :) But he is my gift that is renewable each and everyday- my big teddy bear. However, he came home with some groceries on the way home from work yesterday and presented me with a jar of creamed honey and lime almonds as my anniversary "gift." But the best part was finding a 'happy anniversary' card (unsigned) still in the grocery bag this morning. He was thinking of me walking down the isles!

Book Clubbing

When I was pregnant and could no longer work due to the hours of driving it required, I had all the time in the world. I was so bored I ironed my sheets. Now I have everything to do. I've been wanting to blog so much about this transition to Maryland but the babes are all consuming during the day and the nights have been about unpacking...
One of the things I did to cope with the last few weeks of pregnancy- and I could indulge since I had no other children (!)- was take a lot of baths and read. I tackled a book I had wanted to finish- "A Man in Full" by Thomas Wolfe. The book is 740+ pages and I had considered recommending it to my book club in New Hampshire but figured it was way too long. Well, on a neighborhood cruise a couple nights ago, we met the woman 2 doors down. As we chatted I inquired about a possible book club in the area. She affirmed her membership in one and invited me to participate. She mentioned that one of the books they recently read and discussed was "A Man in Full"! Whoa, that's some serious reading these women do! She smiled that I had read it also, and said she can't wait to introduce me to the woman who suggested the book. I'm so excited to meet them, sip some wine (about 2 sips since I still nurse) :( and talk about some fun fiction! The past couple of months I've been able to resume reading again. When the babes are finally tucked into bed I pull out my Bible and dig into the Word. Then, if I'm still conscious I'll read for fun. For December, she said they are reading "I Never Promised You A Rose Garden," which I remember reading in college. It's about a woman with mental health. Now it's full circle for me, because one of the houses we looked at to rent used to be for psychiatrists to stay in as they worked at a mental institution in Rockville. The hospital has since burned down but it's the same institution the woman who wrote "Rose Garden" stayed in.

To Feel Like a Woman

I would have said "Man, I feel like a woman" but I don't want to plagiarize Shania Twain, whom I love. Let's just say tonight it was feeling good to be a woman. Close friends and new friends came over for the Lia Sophia jewelry party and we sprinkled in some girl and boy twins, snacks, sodas, super-fun jewelry, and all passed a good time. The babies were so tired when I finally laid them down at 8:30, buy they handled all the commotion pretty well. I appreciate my friends who made time to come and see the babies and hug me; all while shopping for necklaces! It also served as a (sniff) good- bye party since we'll be leaving for Maryland in a week.
Many times I have stiffened my shoulders and spoken internally, "Can't wait to get out of this cold and liberal New England. This isn't home, goodbye, I'm out of here." And each day I am consumed with Petra and Jude's every need so there's isn't a lot of time to process and contemplate. But the fact is, we have a life here. We have bonded deeply with others and those attachments are real. The years we've been given in New England are special in a way that can't be grasped yet. Just the fact that Jude and Petra were born here!
So I am going to rely on God to show me how to love my friends through this move. And hold tight to wonderful memories like standing in my bathroom tonight with Sabrina and Catherine while using the CHI hot iron to glamorize Catherine's hair. We women get to do those fun things! And having Pam be so excited to see her "heart-throb" Jude. Yes, he has that effect on us all!

Innappropriate Zeal?

I decided to attempt Mom to Mom at my church this morning despite the fact that I had been up since 4:30 and before that, had been up every two hours! If one wasn't crying, the other was. And it was a dark, very rainy morning so it made sense to get out of the house.
Once I had Jude and Petra tucked in the nursery, I was in for a huge surprise at the mom's meeting. I noticed a woman checking in and felt she looked just like my wonderful OB who delivered the twins, Dr. Turer! I kept looking, but wasn't 100% sure. After the lecture we were able to socialize and I went to verify my hunch. It was Dr. Turer! I approached her with a huge smile and hug and said "So great seeing you, I love you!" This is the woman who delivered my babies! She believed in me when I said I wanted to avoid a C-Section and didn't leave the hospital the whole 24 hours that I labored. She was the calm rock that kept assuring me I could "do it" after 3 hours of pushing. So sorry if I got a little carried away when I saw her today! She's very special to me~ after all, we spent a lot of time together those last few weeks of pregnancy. It really blessed me to see her there and realize she is walking with Christ and carving out time to fellowship with other moms.

No Shoes, No Shirt, NO Picture

This post is dedicated to my cousin Amy G. who insisted that I take the twins to the beach sometime this season! I was reluctant to try and manage them on a sandy, sunny beach but Chris and I drove them to Ogunquit Maine today to do just that. We strolled with them along Marginal Way which is a gorgeous path along the ocean and they were mostly content. I fed Jude some applesauce as he was seated in the stroller and even managed to nurse Petra discretely on a bench overlooking the water. Once we plopped them down on the sand the fun began! Petra loved it immediately, and with her new ability to "sit" she raked her fingers in the sand and rubbed her little feet too. Jude began crawl everywhere and of course tried to eat the sand. I figured a little couldn't hurt but we did discourage it! Then an absolutely golden moment occurred. Jude and Petra started to laugh at each other and then Petra reached out and hugged him while wearing a huge smile! And we actually caught it with my cell phone camera! Then the weak side of my impulsive personality surfaced. I looked through some of the pictures we had taken and tried to delete a dud. I accidentally deleted the picture of Petra hugging Jude! AAAGGGHHHH! May it be forever printed on my heart. It's just not an every day thing and it was really sweet...
Then we tried to buy dinner with a counterfeit bill??? We stopped by a "Jamaican food" shack on the way home and ordered some Jerk Chicken. Good thing it was a shack since we were both barefoot and Chris was shirtless. We fit right in with the blaring reggae music. I was waiting in the car with the exhausted and sleeping babes when Chris came over and said they wouldn't accept his 1950 twenty dollar bill~ said it was a fake. This was a bill that Chris seized from Vanda as she was about to pass it in North Beach for some bottled water. He said "you can't spend such an antique bill!" There was some dispute about "In God We Trust" not being on the back of it but I guess that was added in the 50's anyway. So we really wanted our food that they were holding so we drove 5 miles to the ATM and back. Then Chris paid another 5 dollars for a Baba Roots herbal drink!? Made with all kinds of Jamaican herbs and weird stuff. That's a man for ya, the seller said, "it's good for you with your woman," and it was sold! Sorry, it looks like a bottle of hot sauce and the ingredient are like "Rytidophylum tomentosum (Search Mi Heart), and "Male Fern-Dryoteris Filix Moss (Tan Pan Rock)." Any kind of elixir~ they will sell to you.

Petra smiles

I just have to say, Petra's smile and laugh are the stuff dreams are made of. I get lots of smiles from her all day, but the one who really gets her laughing is Jude! Their interactions are so adorable to watch. They will look at each other in the high chairs and just start smiling and laughing. When Petra laughs it sounds like she's sucking in air! Jude has the CUTEST laugh and sounds more like hysterical giggling.

I'm so proud of Petra. She used to hate being on her belly. Now she is rolling all over the place and in the past 3 days has even gotten up on all fours and rocked. wow!

I see her in you

If I didn't have Christ I would be even more tore up about my mom's death. It was the 2nd of September in 2006 that she left this world and me, dad, Chris Kelly, and Christofer were with her at the moment. It was the end of a summer that was hell on earth for her and us. I would visit her in the hospital each day after work~ climbing the steps to her room and feeling the worst feelings I've ever known. She was so disappointed that she wasn't feeling good when Ted and Jean came to visit her. I'm so grateful they did visit though. Cindy and C Kelly were such unflinching rocks of strength as dad and I were breaking down.

Knowing she is restored and healed in her Father's house brings comfort. Some aspects of her life were extremely hard and I always wanted her to be happier. Now she is. But it doesn't really "get easier" with time especially because she isn't here to share the moments with Jude and Petra. It hurts. I want my mom here. People need their moms.

Mothering Jude and Petra causes me to think so much about our relationship. She loved me so much! All her children! What a happy childhood I had with her. It's really wild; there are so many times I look over at Petra from across the room and I see Gala's face! I guess she looks like me if I can see my mom in her.

If you were in Gala's inner circle, you were lucky because she gave absolute unconditional love from a huge unselfish heart. And what makes me cry is her hugs. No one has ever hugged me like that and no one ever will.

Petra loves SonSpot

I lived in Maryland from 1995 to 2000 and during that time attended the SonSpot Christian Fellowship. I remember walking to the SonSpot, or driving and then walking from my car and feeling so hyper and excited! I would get butterflies in my stomach looking forward to being in God's presence and learning from His Word. It was such a phenomenal time of growth and healing. I could write volumes about the inner healing, knowledge gained, amazing friendships formed, etc. We are the light of the world- "here to bring out the God colors of the world." While in Maryland recently I was able to take the twins to the SonSpot for the first time. I was holding Petra as we walked in and she kind of lit up when we arrived. She was very alert, calm, and happy looking at everything and absorbing the place. It was very special for me to share that with her and know she will have many more special times in Him among the people.

On another note, Jude pulled himself up to a sitting position today! It was so cool to look over and see him sitting after I had laid him down on the ground. He is so close to crawling also. He gets up on all fours, rocks, moves knees, and will soon get the arms going.

I'm SUPER proud!

Wow, wow, wow! This afternoon all four of us got in the car just to get out of the house and go for a drive. Had the windows down enjoying the warm breeze and wind in our hair (well, I'm the only one with hair long enough to wisp). Drove to a sandwich shop around 5 pm but it was closed. I was bummed because I was trying to get out of cooking. On a whim, we decided to try using my birthday coupon at Margaritas restaurant- and actually eat there with the babies. We said, "hey, if they start to cry and loose it, we'll just leave."
We arrived at 6pm and got all set up in the outdoor patio with two highchairs and toys to keep them busy. They were in great moods after napping in the car and didn't make a sound for the entire hour! Amazing! We ordered, ate, and paid the bill without one single cry. Petra took one leg out of her highchair and put in on top of the rail with her arm out to the side like she was lounging in a college dorm. Jude tore up napkins and smiled to waitress and other customers. I love my kids! May it be the first of many outings with good behavior.

Tapping

The twins coordination is increasing week by week. Today I thought, "I'll really miss the tapping when they grow out of that." Jude started the tapping a few weeks before Petra. I see it in several situations; while sitting in bumbo chair they will tap a toy, or when holding them they go tap, tap, tap with their little fist on your arm. It's so cute to see and feel this primitive coordination bloom.
Today we returned the breast pump to the medical supply place. I still nurse 2 or 3 times a day but my pumping days are over. Jude continues to eat three meals a day with gusto but Petra shuns the spoon. I'll keep trying!

Nic's 34

This is my first birthday as a mommy! It sounds corny, but the babes are my presents that I get to unwrap every day! I unwrap them, clean them, wrap them back up, squeeze them, feed them, play with them, and tuck them into bed. They are so adorable at this age- 6 months- less fragile and very cuddly. Petra just melts into you and she wants to be held a lot. But she is also very happy to watch and laugh at her brother. They are interacting so much now with smiles and laughs.
My birthday was good. Jordana and I took the babes to twin class this morning. They're usually the youngest kids there and the 1 and 2 year olds try to touch them and watch them drink bottles. Thanks to all of you who called, I felt like the phone rang off the hook today.
What is my favorite gift? Other than Chris and the bebes of course, I got a dress yesterday that I love. But my friend Karen feels it is too big and not flattering. I'm going to visit a tailor to see if he can make it fit~ I'm determined to wear it! It was on sale and no more sizes available. If not, I have a tall friend somewhere who will get it for her birthday...

With love, from Vovo

The twins received a very healthy dose of love from vovo and vovo in Maryland last week. By the way, that's Portuguese for grammy and grandpa! Mr. and Mrs. B were so thrilled to see Jude and Petra and showered them with love and attention. The Vandanator has transformed her attic into a mini toys-r-us for the babes! We won't be needing any toys for them for several years! Doll houses, shopping carts, pony's, work benches, school desks, you-name-it! Thank you Help Association thrift store!
I love my job of meeting their needs every day. I can't say that enough. I work for their smiles and strive to give them happy experiences. Today we went swimming at Jordana's house. Petra smiled and splashed, Jude just chilled out in mommy's arms- maybe too cold for him?
They are adapting to their helmets with no problems! And I see progress on Petra's head after just one week. Grateful for this answered prayer.

Manly Makeover

We had so much fun today! Chris needed a haircut to be fully ready for next week's interviews. So I had him go to my salon, Blush, in Greenland. Mimi took one look at him and knew exactly what to do. I kept saying to Christofer, "there's something more that your hairdresser could be doing, like giving it more shape." I haven't liked her cuts on him for a while, but not knowing a lot about hair, I had no direction to give. Well, Mimi the pro hooked him up! Wow, he looks SO good with a more square style that ends up looking more masculine and his features more chiseled. He's gonna knock 'em dead next week!
It also underscores the importance of us fixing the twins heads now with helmets. If Jude wants to wear a super-short hair cut like his daddy's he needs a well formed head! It will be interesting to see how they react to the helmets. I'm already praying that they LIKE them right away.

A Sharped Dressed Man

There was so much to tell the twins tonight on the "I'm proud of you" portion of our evening! The four of us traveled down to Burlington, Mass to help Christofer buy a suit for interviewing. He only has one that fits and it has little moth holes in it! We went to Jos A Bank store since they were having a half-off Tuesday. Jude and Petra slept on the way down so they were in good moods when we arrived. A little bit later they had some milk in a bottle and were still hanging tough. Then they both pooped and I felt awkward trying to change them in a stuffy Jos A Bank store!? But they directed me to the back "mens room" and on the way I found a sweet Dominican woman sewing hems in a small hot room. She offered me some space for the diaper changing and enjoyed the babes for a few minutes. They started to get restless after that so we walked down to Starbucks while C tried on suits. I sat there with them over 30 minutes and they didn't make one sound. It was very loud in there with long lines, lots of customers, lots of drinks being made. I think all the sounds fascinated them. Some said 'how cute." Wow, so well-behaved! They held up well for the rest of the day too, even waiting another 45 minutes on C to finish up the suit shopping. I lavished the praise on them while putting them to bed. And the suit........ well, let's just say Christofer will be turning some heads in that attire! They are going to take one look at him and say "we want you!"

Get the door, it's ice cream!

Believe it or not, some of the most gourmet meals I've ever had in my life were at the homeless shelter. It was located near the ocean/fisheries so we would often get donations of shrimp, tuna, other fish. Many of the guests were quite talented in the kitchen and would practically complete to get the title of best cook. Of course we benefited greatly from this!
There was a period of time where every Sunday afternoon a guest named John and I would take over the kitchen and cook all day~while listening to Mahalia Jackson and other gospel tunes. He would make the main dishes and I would bake a dessert. Just imagine the smells of creamy garlic sauce with shrimp, fresh pasta, baked apple pie... yum. I remember how excited John was when the garlic sauce came out just right- "UMM!! This sauce is perfect!" he exclaimed. That night we all sat down to an amazing meal of the garlic shrimp, some other seafood, and other delicious things I can't remember. But I do recall that I had made an apple pie for dessert. Now, keep in mind that this was a Christian ministry and prayer was definitely at the center of life there. We thanked Him before every meal and talked about Him too. As the meal was wrapping up, we talked about the pie and a guest commented that some vanilla ice cream sure would be good with it. But we didn't have any........... I'm not kidding, not even five minutes later as I was pulling the pie out of the oven, the doorbell rang and a woman stood there with a half gallon of Breyers vanilla ice cream! We were ecstatic and completely overreacted in our thanking her. She heard us shout, "it even has the little vanilla bean flakes in it!" Little did she know how timely her donation was! She was probably thinking "those poor people, getting so excited over a little ice cream, the food is probably gross there." Ha Ha. It was simply a perfect ending to a totally gourmet meal and God giving us a little smile.

I'd like a kiss...

My father in law recently commented that some of my success in parenting and marriage so far can be attributed to my time with Diakonia, a homeless shelter in Ocean City Maryland. This is very true! He knows what I went through as a house manager there! Words can't express how special that job was to me. I am going to do a mini series here on the "Long Distance Race" about some of the more memorable moments at the shelter. Looking back, I agree with "Dad B" that working at Diakonia shaped who I am today...
During my first few months at the shelter we admitted an older gentleman with Alzheimer's, and he was quite the charmer. He kept me company during the day when other guests were out job searching. We had hours to talk as I did the household chores and prepared the meals. He became fascinated with me and began to formulate a business plan for the two of us. He would go about inventing this and that, and I would be his secretary. I just smiled and agreed~ what a good idea! One evening as I said good night to the guests and made sure all were accounted for, my "business partner" asked for a goodnight kiss. "I don't kiss guests," I said firmly. "Yes, I see that," he said disappointedly. I reminded him it was curfew time and he needed to head to bed. He asked hopefully~ "would you like to join me?" "No," I said and after that I think the boundaries sank in a bit more. I remember him fondly.

Habi as entertainer

The babies love to be in their bumbo seats, and since they are basically sitting on the floor in them, Habelito is eye level. They love him! At least once a day Petra will look at Habi (our pug) and just spontaneously start laughing and smiling at him. It's adorable, and it also distracts them long enough for me to wash some bottles or something.
Petra is sitting on my lap, trying to eat my arm. She got up at 5 so we are having some alone time. I ate breakfast and prayed for today's strength. Suddenly, we are at the end of our lease and I don't think we will renew for various reasons. Christofer is very close to a Maryland job offer. I'm going to take it one hour at a time~ just thinking about packing on top of meeting their needs makes me feel yucky!
Jude actually ate cereal yesterday! I've been trying for several days, just shoving it in, but Jude is finally interested! I set aside some cream of wheat from my bowl this morning and will see if he likes that. Petra doesn't like the texture yet, hopefully soon. Well, gotta feed her, I think she's trying to tell me something by eating my arm!

Black Beans!

Have you ever had creamy black beans that were delicious and just the right consistency? Ever tried to make them at home? I have been working on just that. When Vanda was here with us for the twins' first three months, she would make black beans and rice every Thursday to celebrate Jude and Petra turning another week old. Vanda grew up in Brazil where black beans are the staple! Her beans are awesome and once she left I wanted to continue eating them. I tried to cook them in my crock pot but they just weren't good. After a few tries of this and that, I tweaked a recipe for black beans in one of my cook books to create my own style. Try this if you want to enjoy some creamy Brazilian black beans! And it is less than 50 cents per serving!!

Buy a bag of dried black beans (16oz). The night before, rinse them well and let them soak in clean water over night. You will use the soaking water, so make sure you rinse them first. The next day, leave about 3 hours to do everything, but most of it is hands-off. Put the beans AND the soaking water into a pot. Add more water to cover the beans by about one inch or inch and a half. Don't add more water than this or they won't be creamy. Bring the beans to a boil- very important step! Once things are boiling, turn heat down to a simmer and skim off the foam from boiling process. Cover the beans a let them simmer for about 2 hours. Maybe a little longer. Ok, now for the other ingredients, which you can add as soon as things are simmering. Add 1 table spoon of veggie condensed broth"Better Than Boullion" (you buy it in a little jar, it's like a thick paste). Also add 4 or 5 tablespoons of Sofrito (may be hard to find- goya makes it- look in mexican isle). You may like to add more Sofrito, so taste it along the way. You don't need to add salt because the broth and sofrito have plenty. Add a bay leaf if you want, I don't add it every time. Then chop up one onion and one green pepper. Saute the onion in a little oil before you add it to the beans. Add garlic if you want. Add the green pepper straight into the beans. Let it all cook. That's basically it... a couple hours later you will have creamy black beans! Cook up some brown rice, add a salad and you have a delicious cheap meal that' s good for you. Sometimes I add hot dog pieces, it's up to you. I get about 6 servings out of this recipe, we eat it two nights in row. Let me know if you like it or improve on it in anyway!

Pink and Purple

Jude and Petra were fitted for their helmets today! We are so excited that their head situation will be fixed soon. We traveled to a place in Andover and though I expected to see a waiting room full of babies with helmets on, we were the only customers. Jeff, our prosthetic specialist, did a wonderful and patient job of fitting the babes. I'll overlook the fact that he was wearing black socks with keen sandals... or maybe we can nominate him for "what not to wear!" ha ha. He scanned their heads and it showed up on a 4-D screen that calculated their dimensions and where they are "off." They each had to wear white little socks on their heads with a hole in the top and around their ears for the measurements! Very cute! Hey, if we have to endure all this, might as well have some fun with it. It was captured on my phone camera. The best part was choosing the helmet design. Petra will be wearing pink and purple bunnies and Jude's helmet will have blue and yellow soccer balls. I dress Petra in pink and purple as much as possible so things will really coordinate. Jude will get to try out his first sporting attire! The babes didn't really like the process, but there were just as many smiles as tears at the office visit. They were extra tired tonight after the long drive and 2 hour appointment. One of the most special parts of my day is getting Petra to sleep. Part of our ritual includes me standing and rocking her while singing. It sometimes takes a few songs, but the eyes eventually shut. Tonight we sang "Are You Washed in the Blood?" and "Angels Watching Over Me." Precious!

Thankful for...

The last few days I have been so thankful for one thing in particular~ my dishwasher! This is such a wonderful modern convenience for me. I actually enjoy doing the dishes, but now that the twins need me almost every moment they are awake, where is the time? It's great to be able to throw in the dishes and have a clean kitchen right away. Hey, it doesn't take much to make me happy! Here are some other things I give thanks to God for...

When I pick up Jude now he is squiggling in my arms like he is ready to move himself somewhere!

Petra is really babbling a lot and she's breastfeeding much better during the day lately

How far my physical recovery from pregnancy and labor has gone~ my energy level is great now

That Habelito is so good with the babies and that I can trust him

The way the babes smile at Habi and laugh at him!

This summer I am working in the nursery at church and it's been really fun to have Jude and Petra see/ play with other babies

Dori to lean on when I'm having a hard day

I'm proud of you...

This afternoon was rough with the twins. Lots of yelling. I did what I usually do.... throw them in the car seats and drive around for an hour so they nap. Ah, peaceful. But that's only for an hour, and daddy's not due home until 7. Ok, let's make sure everyone is full, have some play time, then take if from there. Shew! Things did improve and in my quest to turn the day back into positive, I held each baby on my lap (one at a time) and told him/her 4 or 5 things I was proud of them for during the day. "Jude, I'm really proud of you for taking a good nap this morning, for playing in the bumbo so well, and for smiling at Habelito." "Petra, I'm really proud of you for smiling at Jordana, for doing so good with diaper changes, and just being really sweet!" And so on..... This is great! This new nightly ritual will help instill confidence and self esteem in them as they hear about their accomplishments for that day. It will also help once discipline starts and they have to have punishment as part of the day (hopefully a small part!)

Where did I park?

We are all squeezed and tested in this life. This morning I dashed down to Boston to give some support to my friend/prayer partner who has a daughter fighting a serious illness in the hospital. I did so bravely, choosing to ignore the voice that reminded me that panic attacks usually set in while driving in downtown Boston! I don't even have to be the driver- just the passenger and it makes me sick! So confusing to navigate that city! Sure enough, I missed the exit and ended up downtown near Faniual Hall. I quickly pulled into a parking garage since the panic was arising and decided to just park the truck and take a cab to the hospital. My cabby had a thick accent and after calming down and choosing to have a better attitude and be strong for my friend, I asked "how are you today?" The cabby just grunted something I couldn't understand so I just rode quietly to the hospital. I wasn't there long, and after calling Christofer 8 times with NO answer he finally answered and I explained my predicament. I was looking for some sympathy but got the typical problem solving response and he tried to reassure me that I would be able to find my way back to the highway once I left the garage. So I hopped back in another cab and asked for "the parking garage near Fanuial Hall." Which one? ~ the cabby wanted to know........ uh oh- there's more than one?? I said the "brick one."
So I walked around that lot for close to an hour looking for the truck. Then I tried the garage across the street for another hour! Then a security guard drove me around on a golf cart looking for the truck! Nothing! Then I tried to explain the route I took and how I ended up in the garage and an employee said "there's another garage 2 blocks away- try that." An employee with the thickest accent yet of the day walked with me to the other garage. He explained that he was from Ethiopia, but pronounced it "utopia." I gave him 5 dollars for helping me and told him I'm glad he is in America. I found my truck in the 3rd garage I tried. Driving out of the city actually wasn't that bad~ there was good signage back to the highway. But then halfway home I suddenly felt very sick to my stomach, like diareah! I almost pulled over on the highway and ran into the woods! Thank GOD I made it to an exit/gas station. Oh my, I'm thankful I live in America where you can find a bathroom. If it was India, well, who knows.......
Anyway, I thank Chris for dropping everything and watching the babies to allow me to be there for my friend. I thank all the souls that got me around the city. I'm thankful for the answered prayer we have seen in my friend's daughter already and that she will continue to heal. I was squeezed in a stressful situation. Chris was squeezed with screaming babies. Now they are asleep and all peaceful. Time to pray for Bre again............

Helmet Time

Well, we all went to see Dr. Arin Green today in Peabody, MA about Jude and Petra's head situation. Keep in mind that the pediatrician's office staff said their case was mild and the place "probably wouldn't recommend a helmet." Maybe that's because they don't want all their babies coming in with helmets on?! Dr. Green who sees hundreds of babies with flat heads every year observed Jude and Petra and said their situation is on the high end of moderate~ on a scale of mild, moderate, and severe. And while he left the decision up to us, he said "if they were my kids I'd helmet them." And we definately are! I wouldn't want to live with a flat head!!! Fortunately, they will probably only wear them for 3 months. Oh! and they won't have to trim or touch Jude's hair!! Yeah! (not that you'll be able to see much of it for a while) ha ha Dr. Green also states up to 1 in 6 children have this situation!

After we got home I made another decision I've been wrestling with for a few weeks: Keep my hair long or go short? Yes, I know, very profound. One day I would say, "yes, time for that bob," and the next, "no, gonna stay long, maybe do more layers." After consulting with my awesome hairstylist (Tina at Blush), I decided short. I returned to a haircut I wore in my 20's off and on and I'm glad I did. It's a classic bob cut. I guess you'll just have to see it........... :)

Golden Spoon Day

Today was so much fun with the twins! We have been pushing Petra to spend longer and longer periods of time on her belly to gain strength and develop those tummy-time skills. She did such a good job today~ she usually complains after a minute or two, but had at least two 5-6 minute sessions today. The two of them spent a lot time in their bumbo chairs playing with toys and that is so much fun to watch! Also, I have been so excited to try spoon- feeding them. Not quite sure if they are ready, but I tried to put some runny cereal in Jude's mouth and let me tell you~ pure entertainment! You should have seen his face! He wouldn't really open his mouth much at all, and squinted and scrunched up his face. Not too interested today, but he will be soon. They will be five months old next week!

I often think about how far I have come since the birth. I was truly tore up. After loosing so much blood, I was soo weak and that was extremely frustrating. So many days I felt like "I can't function without Vanda." She was doing EVERYTHING. She cooked all our meals and cleaned the house on top of loving the twins and meeting their every need with me all day long. It was hard for me to need someone else so badly to help me care for my babies~ I wanted to do it all, like any mother would. But their lives were SO enriched by having Vovo here for so long. My life too. Now I feel so much better physically. The pain lingered for several weeks, as did the fatigue. But now they sleep through the night except for one feed and that makes me less of a zombie.

Fretting Challenge

I'm having to hold very tightly to the verse that says "fret not, it only leads to evildoing," this evening. I am fighting anxious feelings about my precious baby's heads! At about 2 months of age we noticed that their heads were a little flat on one side. I asked my friends about it and some reassured me that as they developed and could sit, etc. it would even out. Others explained about a "helmet" device that would correct the problem! That possibility really shot my blood pressure up! Just picturing them in a helmet-thing really freaked me out. (I've since seen pictures of helmets and they're not that bad). At the 4 month check up I asked about the head situation and the nurse practitioner felt their case was pretty mild and doubted that a specialist would recommend the helmet treatment. Ever since I noticed the problem I have put a lot of effort into making sure they are not laying down a lot while awake. Also, Jude now sleeps on his stomach, as he is strong enough to roll over on his own. Petra usually sleeps on her side, but ends up on her back sometimes too. Jude has come SO FAR in his playtime and now loves to be on his belly and reaches for toys and plays with them. Petra fights tummy time but I make her do it several times a day. I don't want them to have to live with flat heads and have been so upset that we were not warned. We were told to do tummy time but I thought it was for developmental purposes, not to avoid head flattening! AAAHHHGGG!
We have an appointment next week with a specialist to inquire about the helmet. In the meantime, lots of playing on tummy!

It will improve; Petra will greatly enjoy her tummy time, and I will not feel guilty about "maybe I didn't hold them enough." With twins, there is a lot of "waiting" for mommy. It's stressful to not be able to hold them as much as you want because you are tending to the other one! Actually, the first three months of their lives the Vandanitor was here and they were held constantly by her and me. But definitely always on their backs for sleep- we didn't know any better.

"fret not..........." Give more, do more.

Concert and No Failure

Took my mommy' s helper, Jordana, to see Brad Paisley last night in Mansfield, Mass. It was so fun for me to surprise her with this special gift for her 16th birthday. She helps me with the twins 3 or 4 days a week- holding them, helping them play, diaper changes, etc- so she is very special to us. Jordana LOVES country music so I gave her the Brad Paisley ticket in a birthday card last Monday and she screamed "is this for real!" and we both looked forward to it all week. The concert was a hundred miles away so we got to know each other better on the trip. I was telling Jordana with tearful eyes that I feel like a failure because I haven't been able to breastfeed the twins as much as I had been, and my supply is really getting low. I didn't realize how emotional it would be for me to face "weaning." I admit that I have complained about breastfeeding off and on and have been tempted to quit prematurely. I had written in my goals for 2009 that I would breastfeed them for 6 months or even possibly a year. They are almost 5 months old. They just won't nurse during the day sometimes and it's very challenging to pump if I don't have a helper. I will continue to feed them as I have, and at least keep my supply where it is...

Then Chris told me that he feels like a failure for not securing a new job yet. He had so many people interested in him after the job fair in April but the results have been tepid. I don't see him as a failure at all~he is spending so many hours studying for a new certification and is also job searching online and working the phones. He's been extremely dedicated to the process and I encouraged him to get those thoughts out of his mind! We can't see ourselves as victims in any way.

I am finding comfort in 1 Corinthians 13. Love never fails. There is no failure in love. Those words carry me and they are my firm foundation. The words are my security and solace. I have a place to turn to when thoughts of "you're failing" come to my mind. I will not fail to breastfeed my babies and Christofer will not fail his job search.

A brush with desert destiny?

Had an interesting talk with my mommy's helper today. I was telling her that Christofer received an email about a job in Iraq. (many of you know he is job searching so we can move to Maryland). He showed me the email and I barely read it and immediately dismissed it - "of course you're not working in Iraq!" As I was explaining this to Jordana, I suddenly felt very excited about the possibility of being in Iraq. Humm, maybe..... wow, what if God could really use us in a radical way there? Just think, to be on the cutting edge of a society so newly formed and with brand new religious freedoms (I'm not exactly what forms of worship Saddam allowed). But to possibly be involved in a tender, budding ministry there- I could see it. I had met a pastor from Iraq in 2005 in Dayton Ohio. He was speaking in a church in Beavercreek about his church in Iraq and the danger he faced daily (to his person and property). He was emphatic that he and many others wanted the Americans there to help rebuild and do whatever they were doing. But what really impressed me was his fearlessness and rock-steady vision for his people. He was not fazed by the on going violence and only had dreams for his ministry to flourish.........

I texted Chris that maybe the job in Iraq was for us, afterall! Jordana and I talked and as we did the idea seemed more and more appealing. I told her "I don't want to sit around and be a fat lazy rich American with everything given to me on a silver platter, it's time to do something wild for God!"

Chris did get my text but was shaken because he assumed I meant that he would leave us to work in Iraq and was sad that I would be ok with that! I quickly responded that no, I meant all of us would go and explained my vision. Chris says there are no jobs in Iraq where you can take your family and that military escort is still needed to leave a military base. I feel for the military spouses who have to endure the wait while their partner is on tour..............

Who knows where we are headed........... I just want to use what God has given us.

A return to writing

I have been inspired by a friend and fellow mom of twins to start blogging! There will be many entries about my 4 month old twins Jude and Petra! I also hope to write about what God is doing in my life. I used to journal a fair amount, as well as write down my dreams (while sleeping). I greatly enjoyed reviewing these writings to see patterns, areas of growth, and solutions to life's problems. I guess I view blogging as a form of public journaling. This is so cool! I hope to connect with my dear friends and make new friends- especially mom's of twins!

Took the twins to their four month check up today. Jude, of course was practically off the charts on all percentiles of height and weight! He looks like a 7 or 8 month old! Then I stopped by my hairdresser's for an emergency eyebrow fix and decided to have Jude's hair cut! Keep in mind that I have cut his hair already 4 times! He was donned with a miniature cape to protect his clothes and held in my lap as clippers were used on him. He wailed a fair amount, and stressed out the lady (Jenny), but the result is really cute! Now he really looks like a Chris-clone. While waiting on me and her brother, Petra was held by Melissa and giggled repeatedly. I was proud!